One night, after too many whiskey sours, the conversation among a group of my closest friends and I turned to sex. We're not a judge-y group, nor are we bashful when it comes to providing the intimate details of our sex lives. And, yet, when one of my friends revealed that she falls off the orgasmic cliff when her boyfriend calls her a 'whore' just as she's about to come, she lowered her eyelids to the table.
She seemed almost apologetic. 'You guys know me, you know I'm a feminist,' she told us. 'But I can't help it — that word makes me insane. In a really good way.'
One by one, the 'degrading sex' dominoes began to fall. One friend confessed she finds it hot when her husband slaps her with his penis. Another begs her boyfriend to ejaculate on her face while she kneels at his feet.
Are my friends just a bunch of freaks? Actually, far from it — they're all successful, strong, intelligent women who are in solid relationships. And as they confessed, they each added some version of the same caveat to their sex anecdotes: 'You know I'm a feminist!'
Many of us have forgotten that being a strong woman who demands equal pay for equal work and supports the rights and equality of all genders doesn't mean we aren't entitled to our idiosyncratic turn-ons — particularly if those turn-ons involve being submissive to a man. And the fact that the acts described by my friends are considered 'degrading' may be part of the problem.
As they confessed, they each added some version of the same caveat to their sex anecdotes: 'You know I'm a feminist!'
'Women are expected to be polite, pretty, and perfect in our male-dominated world,' says Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist who is a certified clinical trauma specialist. 'In the bedroom, however, they can regain control of their bodies, their minds, and their mate. On the surface, being dominated seems demeaning; in the world at large, that is the case. But in the intimacy of a sexual encounter it puts the women in charge of her body and her relationship.' It's more than a little ironic, but powerful women might feel sexually powerful by opting to lose their power. Phew.
In pop culture, the women who indulge in the submissive role in BDSM sex tend to be meek themselves, like Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey, who succumb to the dominant sexual fantasies of a powerful, somewhat psychotic man. But in real life, the personality traits of women who get a kick out of rape fantasies are far more varied. And 'docile' is probably the last adjective you'd use to describe them.
'Often, women who like to be dominated by men, and who prefer something that is considered culturally taboo, are [often] in positions of power and/or have a lot of responsibility in their lives,' says Dr. Holly Richmond, a certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist. 'She could be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or she could be stay-at-home mom of three. Both positions require a great degree of authority, dependability (ensuring others are taken care of), and self-discipline. Being dominated means that a woman does not have to make any decisions and the burden of responsibility can be shed for a time.'
Universal
To the uninitiated, submissive sex may seem like an excuse for a woman to get treated like crap because she views herself as crap — meaning, she's insecure. Nothing could be further from the truth. At its root, the desire to be 'taken' is actually about having the highest form of power over a man, Richmond explains. Being thrown on a bed and even held down makes the submissive feel like her partner cannot control himself or keep his hands off of her. He wants her and only her. She is so sexy and desirable that he can't help but ravage her, Richmond suggests.
Of course, your feminist (or rather, human) antenna may have perked up at the idea of being held down, or forced, into a sexual situation. It's crucial to make a distinction between consensual sexual pleasure that involves acts both partners have agreed upon, and nonconsensual assaults that bring one person pleasure at the expense of the other.
There's no shame is feeling turned on by masochistic sex acts. If you're curious to try something, there's no reason why you can't float your fantasies by your partner and find out if he's on board. But conversation is key. Without it, could easily be misunderstood by your partner, damage your relationship, and even put your mental and emotional health at risk.
Being dominated means that a woman does not have to make any decisions and the burden of responsibility can be shed for a time.
'If you truly do want to try out your masochistic sexual fantasy, you need to be pretty clear about exactly what is a turn-on, and exactly how far you wish to go,' says Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, best-selling author, and host of the Power of Different podcast. 'You need to establish parameters for when 'no' means 'NO', and that this is purely sex play entirely separate from wanting a mutually respectful, shared relationship outside the bedroom. This will likely take multiple conversations, both inside and outside the bedroom, with lots of feedback from your partner [to make sure] they too are comfortable with this type of sexual play.'
As long as you're in control of when and how you engage in and define submissive sex — whether that to you means being held down, wearing a collar and leash, begging for his penis, and, well, I could go on and on — there's no shame in your game. Know what you like, express it like a boss, and give both yourself and your partner serious pleasure.
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E4
If you love me, fight with me. If you love me, yell with me. Scream and shout with me to show me you care. Stomp; run; wail, but stand your ground. Shake with me and cry with me. Become exhausted, annoyed and utterly fed up with me. Dance with me in this maddening tango of love and pain.
Slam doors, punch walls and throw dishes. Call me on the phone in a fit of rage. Send text messages of your disdain. Wake me up in the middle of the night because you refuse to let it go until morning.
Keep me up till dawn, talking, yelling, then listening. Make the neighbors complain, and the dogs howl. Just show me you love me; show me you care.
Show me that you're willing to stick it out, even when you want to leave. Show me that you're going to make an effort and fight through the pain and past the hurt. Because as crazy and ridiculous as it seems, fighting means you love me.
Unfortunately for all of those next to the loud couple who fights more than they talk, they probably won't be breaking up anytime soon. In fact, their fighting isn't a sign of a sick relationship, but a healthy one.
According to Dr. John M. Gottman of the Gottman Institute, fighting isn't a sign of a weak relationship, but a strong one… depending on how you're fighting.
There are three basic styles, according to Gottman:
1. Those who want to sit down, compromise, and get back to being comfortable with each other
2. Those who want to be heard immediately and have the other person agree with them
3. Those who have no interest in dealing with problems
The first approach, while described rationally, doesn't always include sitting down. It can encompass fits of rage, screaming into reddening faces and stomping into corners of rooms. It does, however, usually end in compromise and peace.
As we've all learned from a good fight, while getting through it may be difficult and painful, the result always ends in a stronger relationship.
The second approach is just the sign of a partner who doesn't want to work it out or even listen. This is someone who doesn't deserve your time and isn't fighting in a productive and beneficial way. This partner isn't really interested in fighting, more so yelling.
The third is the deadliest approach to relationships: not fighting. To the outside observer, it would seem like the couple who never fights is the happiest. In fact, it's the opposite. It's the couple who cares enough to fight -- to not walk away, and to battle it out -- who holds the stronger, more loving relationship.
It's easy to walk away when things get tough, but it's a sign of true love to be willing to withstand the pain and discomfort of working through a good fight.
Fighting means you care
Fighting means you care enough to deal with the hurt and anger, rather than just walk away. It means actively pursuing a solution, a breakthrough that will make you stronger.
No two people are going to agree on everything, and fighting just means you've hit a point in your journey together that needs special attention and communication.
Relationship therapist Dana Ward explains, 'Fighting is normal. While some couples may think fighting is the sign of a bad relationship, it is actually is very important. The key is fighting with a purpose.”
It's the whole idea of “fight or flight.” The way species adapt and evolve is based on the psychological reactions that occur when a threat is perceived. You either stand your ground or flee the situation. Either way, you're making a decision, one that questions whether the threat is worth attacking or running.
The couples most in love are willing to push aside those subconscious (and conscious) desires to flee, in favor of sticking it out and fighting for one another.
Fighting means keeping each other healthy.. and sane
Gautama Buddha once wisely cautioned, “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
According to findings published in “Psychosomatic Medicine,” Buddha's logic wasn't just profound, but also scientifically sound.
Based on a 10-year study of 4,000 men and women in Framingham, Massachusetts, women, specifically, who hold onto anger or unresolved feelings during a fight are four times more at risk of dying than women who can express themselves.
Solution Partners
CNN published the findings of another study by Ernest Harburg, Ph.D., of the University of Michigan. The study followed 192 married couples from 1971 to 1988 and found that those who harbored their anger during a fight or when unjustly attacked did not live as long or as healthy as the couples who fought and resolved their issues fairly.
The stress you feel from holding on to anger is real. The health risks of that stress are also very real. If you love your partner, care about your partner's health and want to see him or her happy, then fight for your relationship.
Fighting means being honest
Only during a good fight can you let go of your inhibitions and understand how you and your partner really feel.
According to Pamela Paul, author of “The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony,” compatibility of personality traits, such as beliefs and core values, comes out during a good fight. It's when you're heated, not holding back or restraining yourself, that you finally let the other person see how you really think and feel.
These outbursts of truth can only come from a good, heated discussion. Without these fights, people would be getting married and having children without knowing the true feelings and innermost desires of their partners.
Paket mouse keyboard dan headset. In order to face the important and pressing issues that can destroy a marriage, a couple has to be completely honest and open with themselves and the values they hold most important. If these values aren't tested until a fight occurs, then there's no way to know what's really worth fighting for.
*Fighting means better sex
Was it the fight before the sex, or the sex before the fight?
We're not sure which came first, but we've all experienced the make-up sex that comes after a good fight. Tensions are high; blood is boiling, and there's no better way to break the tension than with a good ol' fashioned wrestling match.
While we haven't yet found much evidence to prove this theory, there isn't much disproving it. We're not suggesting you go home and pick a fight tonight; we are saying that if you are going to fight, just look at the make-up sex as the consolation prize. Maybe now it won't be such a big deal who wins.
-->Applies to
- Cloud Solution Provider program
Get started
The rapidly growing demand for cloud-based solutions and services provides many opportunities for Microsoft partners of all sizes to build profitable cloud solution businesses. Partners who are ready to enter the market, but who don't want to have to manage multiple vendors, or who may not have an end-to-end customer relationship management infrastructure in place, can enroll in Microsoft’s Cloud Solution Provider (CSP) program as indirect resellers.
To enroll in the Cloud Solution Provider program, you first need an MPN ID. Don't have one yet? Join here.
To complete the CSP application, you'll need your company's MPN ID, complete business address, bank information, and the work email for the employee who will act as the admin for the Partner Center.
- Sign in to Partner Center with your work email (i.e., your Azure AD tenant credentials).
- Create your partner profile and associate your MPN ID to your profile.It can take us several days to review and verify the information you’ve provided. We’ll email you when we’ve completed our review.
- After we've verified your information, accept the Microsoft indirect reseller terms agreement.
Important
A partner in the CSP program cannot resell online services to another partner in the CSP program currently. Microsoft continuously reviews the policies and capabilities of all programs. Any news about feature releases or policy changes will be announced through the usual communications channels, including Partner Center announcements.
Enroll as an indirect reseller
If you're enrolling in the CSP program as an indirect reseller, you won't purchase products directly from or be invoiced directly by Microsoft. Instead, you'll work with indirect providers (also known as distributors) who transact directly with Microsoft.
Partnering with an indirect provider means you don’t have to have the infrastructure in place to go to market or to buy directly from Microsoft, but can instead work with an experienced technology provider to help ensure your success. In the provider-reseller model, the provider buys cloud solutions and services from Microsoft and relies on you to deploy and service the products.
Different indirect providers offer different support and services, so you should evaluate the providers in your area to determine which ones best meet your needs. Generally, most providers will:
Adobe Solution Partner Portal
- Provide you with technical training and assistance
- Help you market your products and services
- Help you establish financing and credit terms
If you’re not already working with a provider (also known as a distributor), you can search the list of official Microsoft providers to find one.
For more information about what’s required to participate in the CSP program as an indirect reseller, see Get started as an indirect reseller on the Microsoft Partner Network website.
Enroll as a direct bill partner
As a direct bill partner, you own the end-to-end relationship with your customer and with Microsoft. We have updated enrollment requirements for direct bill partners as of August 31, 2018. These new requirements will help you accelerate your business growth with the right CSP enrollment model and strengthen your customer relationships with value-added services and support.
Minimum requirements
Requirement | |
---|---|
MPN ID | An active Microsoft Partner Network (MPN) ID for your business location. |
Endorsement | The authority to accept and sign legal agreements on behalf of your organization. |
Support | The ability to provide the first level of cloud product support to your customers. A Microsoft support plan, either Advanced Support for Partners (ASfP) or Premier Support for Partners (PSfP), depending on your needs. Compare support plans. IMPORTANT: You must pass a credit check before purchasing a support plan. We'll email you when you've passed the credit check. |
Managed Service | At least one managed service, IP service, or customer solution application. Learn more about adding managed services. |
Accounts receivable | The organizational infrastructure in place to manage customer billing and provisioning. |
Verify direct bill eligibility
If you haven't already done so, review the minimum requirements above to make sure you can meet them, and then complete the Cloud Solution Provider questionnaire.
We use your answers to the questions in the form to help us determine your eligibility to enroll in the CSP program as a direct bill partner.
After we've verified that your company meets the eligibility requirements to enroll as a direct bill partner, and you've completed the enrollment application, we'll review and verify the business information you provided in the enrollment process. As part of this review, we'll check your company's credit. We'll let you know by email when your company has passed the credit check.
Important
Checking your company's credit can take us several days or more to complete. During this time, it's important that you NOT purchase a Microsoft support plan. You should purchase a Microsoft support plan only after we've informed you that you've passed the credit check.
Transition from direct bill to indirect reseller
As the CSP program continues to evolve and grow, you might prefer to participate in it as an indirect reseller instead of a direct bill partner. You can transition your direct bill tenant to the indirect reseller model in Partner Center.
See Transition from Cloud Solution Provider (CSP) direct bill partner to CSP indirect reseller for information about transitioning from a direct bill partner to an indirect reseller.
CSP regional markets and currencies
Your company's location determines your market. Your market includes the regions and/or countries where you can sell CSP offers. See Cloud Solution Provider program regional markets and currencies for market locations and currencies.